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I’m in bed with my laptop on the blanket in front of me and Pete’s face is displayed all over the monitor. He’s telling me about his meetings with all kinds of important people in New York. He’s been rubbing elbows with some writers. Very good people to know in his business.
“So what have you been up to?” he smiles, adoringly at me.
I feel tears prick my eyes and a lump forms in my throat. I can’t speak and I shake my head, turning the computer away from me. I can hear him saying my name, but I can’t bring myself to say a word.
The guilt over what I’ve been doing with Vivien has begun slowly eating away at me. I know in my heart that Pete will leave me. Or at least he should. I know that it’s not okay and that Vivien manipulated my thinking just a little.
Planting little seeds like calling him the four-year-boyfriend. But I can’t tell him like this. Not when he’s in New York and will surely turn away from me in a place where I can’t hold him.
I turn the computer back and regain composure. Pete looks terribly concerned.
“I’m sorry,” I squeak. “I just…” I swallow hard “miss you so much,”
“That’s why you’re crying?” he seems relieved and smiles a little. “I’ll be home soon, sweetheart. Don’t cry,” he holds a tissue up to the screen and I laugh a little.
We say goodnight and when I close the computer I decide then and there: when he gets home, I am telling him. First thing.
I close the computer and my head bounces onto my pillow. It’s cool under my head and feels so nice. I glance down at my stomach peeking out from under the blanket and see a light bruise. Vivien.
I close my eyes tight and somehow manage to fall asleep.
Friday morning comes and I know that when I arrive home, Pete will be there. I’m typing aimlessly and the cracking of a whip brings me back to reality. Only it isn’t a whip, it’s Vivien’s voice. Loud. Powerful.
“Evey! Are you deaf?”
I jump and turn to her, standing from my desk. “Sorry,” my cheeks redden and I trip over my own feet on my way to the ladies room.
I’m looking at myself in the mirror – at the bruise on my tummy – and, “is that from me?” Vivien smiles.
I shoot her a wicked stare and snarl, “You know it’s from you. You also probably know that Pete will notice. You want him to leave me, don’t you?”
She turns and locks the door. Not here, not at work. This is the office. She can’t. I stand bravely and smooth my shirt out.
She walks over to me briskly and grabs my chin, “You think it’s okay to talk to me that way, little girl?”
I pull away from her and this time she steps towards me and puts her hand on my throat. “Vivien, not here, this is the office. Your rules, remember?” I look up at her blue eyes and they are shooting daggers into mine.
“We aren’t in my office, are we?” she pushes against my throat and repeats the question. I say nothing. “We are in the ladies room in the building where my office is located. casino oyna And you’re being a mouthy little bitch all of the sudden,” she brings her lips close to mine, “Apologize.”
I stare at her, wide-eyed. “No.” She leans her knee between my legs and rubs up against me.
“Evey, I can see right through you. You’re so excited right now that you’re just hoping and praying that I don’t feel how wet you are right now. You’re thinking that someone could walk in at any moment, but that won’t happen because if you’ll notice, I locked the door. Now I want an apology or I’m not letting you walk out of here.”
I swallow hard against the palm of her hand, “I’m sorry,”
She smiles and loosens her grip on my throat. “Good girl,” she traces her fingers down my chest to the opening of my blouse and undoes a button.
“Vivien, please,” I say looking away from her.
“What’s wrong?” she licks from my cleavage up to my ear and bites my earlobe. “You don’t wanna play anymore?”
I continue to look away from her and she undoes two more buttons. She cups my breasts in both hands and pushes them together. “That’s okay,” she licks both breasts, “I can have fun all by myself,” she moves my bra and takes one of my nipples into her mouth.
“Vivien, stop,” I try to sound commanding but it comes out so meekly that I don’t even think she heard me.
She sucks hard and looks up at me, flicking one of my hardened nipples with the tip of her tongue, “Stop what?”
“This. I… want you to stop,”
She traces a circle around each nipple with her tongue and squeezes them both between her fingers, “Mmmm, no you don’t,”
I try to cover myself but she pushes my hands away and grabs both of my wrists with one hand. She’s so strong. She pushes me down over the arm of the small loveseat against the wall, wrists still together, and uses her other hand to get between my legs.
Before I can protest, she finds the massive pool of juices I’ve been trying to hide all this time and without a word slips a finger inside. My dress is almost up over my face and I wish it were covering me completely. I don’t want her to see my face. I don’t want to like this. I don’t want to cry out, but I do.
“That’s my girl,” she moans, fingering me and rubbing my clit with her thumb. She releases my wrists and moves down my body. My hips are still on the arm of the loveseat and she kneels between my legs. I can’t see anything but the very top of her head.
Suddenly I feel her mouth completely covering me from my clit to my hole. Her tongue goes deep into me and she moans deeply, “God, Evey. Mmmm, god damnit. You taste so fucking good,”
I cover my face with both hands and try desperately not to move or make a sound. My hips betray me and buck under her hands. She takes her fingers and pinches my swollen clit between them. She finds it between her teeth and bites down softly. I yelp into my hands and my entire body jumps.
She canl─▒ casino stands between my legs and puts all four of her fingers inside me. “We don’t have much time,” she says, finger fucking me.
My mind is a total blur. My thoughts are gone and all I know is that she has four fingers inside of me. She slows her hand and I feel her moving her thumb towards her fingers.
“Now, you need to relax for me,” she says and then moves the tip of her thumb in near her fingers.
My eyes widen and I stiffen my body, “No! I can’t!”
She moves her thumb up as if she holding a bowling ball and grabs me tight, “Relax,” she shouts. She looks at the door and puts a finger to her lips, shushing me.
She moves her thumb back down and puts her hand on my stomach as she works her entire hand into my pussy. Once it is completely inside of me, she rubs furiously at my clit and I feel something I’ve never felt before move through me. It’s an incredibly powerful orgasm but something is different. I feel like I have to pee and something shoots from me up Vivien’s arm.
She slaps my clit and it comes again. I’m in awe and completely aware, for once, that I’m coming incredibly hard and I think I’m squirting.
She slowly takes her hand out of me and licks a couple of her fingers. She walks to the sink and looks at me in the mirror, “I would share, but I’ve gotta get back,” she dries her hands and walks out of the bathroom.
I sit up on the couch and pull my dress down. I clean up as best I can before heading back into the office. Vivien is already on a call and I feel so confused. What she does to me is incredible, but where can this go? Nowhere.
I stay for another hour or so and then quietly pack up and leave.
When I walk in the front door, Pete is in the kitchen at the table.
“You’re home early!” I rush to hug him.
He stands to meet me and hugs me and it occurs to me that he might be able to smell me.
“I am home early,” he says, emotionless.
“What’s wrong?” I stare up at him, terrified. He knows. I don’t even get to tell him. He’s found out from someone else and now he’s leaving me forever.
“Evey, we have to talk,” he sits and motions for me to do the same. “When I was in New York this week, something happened,” he says, his eyes never meeting mine. “A few of us went out for some drinks one night and eventually a few of us became me and one of the publishers. She and I got very drunk and she went on about how she knows people who could set me up to write whatever I want for the rest of my career. She dropped some names and we went back to my hotel to discuss things…”
I stare at him, not believing a word he’s saying.
“Evey, we slept together. I never would’ve done it if I had been sober,” he looks up at me, his eyes sincere.
“I slept with my boss,” I blurt it out. There. Like ripping off a band aid.
“What?!” he looks at me in shock, “Your boss? As in Vivien? Your female ka├žak casino boss?”
“Pete…” I start, but he cuts me off.
“What the fuck, Evey? What do you mean you slept with your boss?”
“The first time it was when we were…”
“What?! The first time?!” Pete stands up and puts his hands on his head, “How many times has it been?”
“Three.” I say, not holding anything back now.
“Holy shit, Evey. Holy shit,” he says and shakes his head. He walks to the door, puts his shoes on, and without a word, he’s gone.
I wait for the tears to come, but they don’t. Why am I not crying? I’m sad, but no tears. Is this the end?
I get into the shower and take a long, hot one. I put on my pajamas and get into bed. It’s still light out. I close my eyes.
When I open them again, it’s dark out. I sit up and listen for Pete in the apartment but hear nothing. I walk out into the kitchen and I am still alone. I find my phone and there’s nothing.
I am texting Pete when he walks through the door. I can smell him almost as soon as he enters the room. Booze.
“Evey Green, you got some ‘splainin’ to do,” he points at me and stumbles.
I stand up from the couch and I start to speak but he rushes over to me and hugs me close. “I’m so sorry, Evey. I’m sorry I cheated on you. I’m sorry I made you a lesbian…”
I pull away and look up at him, “I’m not a lesbian, Pete.”
“Oh, really? Cause you’ve been fuckin’ a lady, so by my calculations…”
I stop him, “I don’t know what happened between me and Vivien, but I liked it. I won’t lie to you any longer about anything.”
“And I won’t lie to you anymore,” he puts a finger on my nose and taps it twice.
We aren’t going to get anywhere tonight, so I help Pete to bed and I sit on the couch with a glass of wine. I look out at the lake and sip my Pinot until I can no longer keep my eyes open.
When I wake up, Pete is sitting on the chair next to me and staring at me. I sit up fast and rub my eyes. “What time is it?” I mutter, sleepily.
“10:16” he says. “Did…” he puts a hand to his head, “Did last night really happen?”
I nod, brushing the hair out of my face.
“What are we going to do?” he says in a somber tone.
I shrug, “I don’t know.”
We talk for a long time. I tell him that I don’t have feelings for her, but what she does to me is like a drug. I want more and more of it. We both cry. He says he’s disappointed that he can’t satisfy me. I tell him that I am angry that he cheated on me, but I forgive him almost immediately. He asks if I want to continue my sexual relationship with Vivien and I tell him that I don’t know. That was the only lie I told him during the entire discussion.
I knew the truth. I wanted to continue. She knows my body better than I do. Pete and I agreed to take a break. He would go to New York for a couple of weeks and I would stay here in Chicago. We agreed to live as single people during this time, and when he came home, if we wanted to be together, we would.
I cried while he packed and I cried when I kissed him goodbye. That night I drank an entire bottle of wine by myself and cried myself to sleep.
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