A Holiday to Die for

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Copyright (c) 2018 James Miehoff, All Rights Reserved.

This work may not be published whether for fee or free without this copyright.


This is one of a series of stories set in what I call Universe-J. Universe-J is very much like this universe with a few exceptions.

First the people tend to be a little more sexual and less hung up on sex that they are in our universe. This does not mean that monogamy is the exception. James and Heather were monogamous for a significant amount of time before they “accidentally” swapped partners.

Second the repercussions of unprotected sex are less severe than our universe. Not to say that STDs and unexpected pregnancies don’t occur, just that they occur less frequently and in the case of STDs, a good shot of antibiotic will put you right again. HIV has yet to be introduced so STDs aren’t a death sentence there.

Lastly, pedophilia and incest (which I will not be writing about) are virtually unknown. Children are to be protected and loved not abused. When they reach the age of consent, they can join in the adult games if they so desire, but there is no pressure on them to do so.


Dramatis Personae


The narrator of this drama and your guide through the debaucheries within. James is built like a Greek God …. in my dreams. In reality, I am in my mid-thirties, about 6 feet tall with a little too much around the middle and a little thinning on top. Overall, I’m not bad for someone of my age. I work in the IT department of what I will call The Very Large Corporation. My wife swears that my cock is slightly longer and wider than most and she should know.


Heather is James’ wife. If I am a Greek God, Heather is a modern recreation of Aphrodite. At least I see her that way. She is also in her mid-thirties and a lot more curves that she had when we first met, but with a 36-26-37 figure (36C sometimes D cup), shaved pussy and long blond hair, Heather is still my go to wet dream.

Steve and Sara

Steve and Sara are our newlywed neighbors from across the street. Steve is in construction and is very athletically built. At 5 feet 9 inches what he lacks in stature, he makes up for in physique. Heather is pretty sure he is packing quite a delight in his shorts. Sara is brunette with long hair and a very hot body. At 5 foot 4 inches, she is just the right height for Steve. My guess is that she is a 36C cup, which on that tiny frame makes them even more noticeable. She has been the object of my lust more than once when she washes her car in that tiny string bikini.

Bob and Clarisse

Bob and Clarisse are our neighbors from a few houses down the street. Bob is in IT, like myself, and we have been known to commiserate over beers and grilling while our wives get drunk on wine in the kitchen. Bob is about my age, 6 foot tall and slightly overweight although he tries going to the gym once in a while. Clarisse is a redhead, Heather and I have both speculated on whether the carpet matches the drapes, but so far it is inconclusive. She is about 5 foot 8 with 38D-27-39 measurements. She is quite a tease, but only a tease, so far.

Bill and Nancy

Bill and Nancy are our neighbors from a few houses up the street. Bill is a sales executive and Nancy is a hair and makeup stylist. With her fashion sense they are easily the most elegant of all our neighbors. She is tall (5 feet 11) and thin with an estimated 34B-22-34 measurements. Her hair can be any color including purple or green. I know the least about Bill. He is almost terminally shy, which is unusual for a sales executive.

Personae della Arte

The players in our little holiday mystery

William Slickwhistle (James)

William is an investment and financial advisor and has called all of the other players to his house for a holiday party and to reveal a big surprise.

Circule Pointcairn (James)

The ghost of the greatest detective in the world is here to help solve the mystery and reveal the answers. This part was supposed to have been played by a friend of Heather’s named Francois, but he cancelled at the last second.

The Butler (James)

What is a murder mystery without a butler?

LaBella Slickwhistle (Heather)

The wife and partner of William, some suspect she is the brains behind the investment business.

Rev. Sam Jackson (Bob)

The Reverend Sam is the minister of the largest congregation in town with ambitions of building the largest church in the state. He has been embezzling funds from the church to invest to try and make his dream come true.

Mrs. Claire Jackson (Clarisse)

Claire, in addition to being the good minister’s wife, is deeply into the world of spiritualism and has been investing money embezzled from her husband based on her Ouija board advice.

Jim Friendly (Steve)

Jim runs the biggest department store in town and he has been investing large sums of money with William and LaBella in hopes of being able to buy kadıköy escort the store for himself.

Linda Friendly (Sara)

Linda is one of the department stores biggest customers, unbeknownst to her husband. She buys merchandise on credit and then returns it for cash to invest with William and LaBella to make a nest egg for herself.

Larry Jones (Bill)

Larry is the laziest salesman at the department store. His only redeeming quality is that he married the richest widow in town. He has been stealing from her and investing with William and LaBella since shortly after their marriage.

Sally Wilcox-Jones (Nancy)

Sally is the sole heir to the Wilcox silver mining fortune. Her former husband amassed a large fortune in buying silver mines when silver was low stockpiling the silver and then selling those mines and the stockpile of silver ingots when silver was high. Unfortunately, in all the excitement, he forgot to take his blood pressure medicine and had a fatal stroke, leaving his bride the richest woman in town. So of course she became a client of the best investment firm in town.

Chapter 1 — Planning

Heather and I had wanted to do a murder mystery party for a long time. When she proposed it for New Year’s Eve, I jumped at the chance. I found some software that laid out the scenario and printed personality sheets for all the guests and a scenario for the host and everything. Heather sent out the invitations and called people because we needed to have an exact count of participants. It turned out that of our neighbors; only 3 couples could make it. That was barely enough, if I took on a couple of extra roles.

I printed the character sheets out and put them in labelled envelopes. It was hard not to cheat and read the files, but I restrained myself somehow. Heather delivered them to the party goers and we were set.

It was 4 days to New Year’s Eve and we could hardly contain ourselves. I have to admit that the sex we had in those days leading up to the party was awesome. We were both so excited all the time; we couldn’t keep our hands off each other.

I should also explain that we were going to use this party as a cover to see if any of our neighbors were interested in forming a swap club. Our friends Bill and Cathy (not the same Bill) had moved in August because of his job and we were craving some fresh meat to spice up our love life. We had been extramarital sex virgins until they moved in next door and taught us a few things. That first weekend was documented in the short story “Swinging, Swapping or Polyamory”. So we were hoping to test the waters a little with this party by making it a little risqué to judge the reaction.

Heather was a blur of activity the last day before the party and I wasn’t much better. When we finally, stopped it was 3 am and we both got naked, cuddled and immediately fell asleep. Yes, we are hopeless romantics. We got up the next morning and got the last things done and got showered and dressed for the party.

At 9pm, we took a deep breath, looked around and I said, “That’s it. We are as done as we are going to get. Come here my dear, you look ravishing.”

When I got my hands on her I kissed her very deeply and bent her back intending to kiss my way down to her pussy, but only got to her tits when the doorbell rang.

“Motherfuckers. Who comes to a party on time,” growled Heather.

I just sighed and let her up and went to the door.

Chapter 2 — Execution

I straightened my tie and smoothed down my tuxedo, did I mention it was a formal party? When I got to the door, it was not only Steve and Sara but Bill and Nancy that were at the door.

“Come in. Come in,” I said. “Welcome fun seekers.”

As I stood aside and they came in, I was handed 2 bottles of champagne and both ladies kissed me on the cheek and asked where they could put their trays of goodies.

Heather had just finished hugging and kissing both men and said, “Come with me ladies and we will get you set up in the kitchen.”

As I turned to greet the men, there was a knock on the door and Bob and Clarisse were there when I opened the door.

“Welcome, Come in,” I said while waving them in with a bottle of champagne.

Bob laughed and said, “I have one more for the collection,” holding up another bottle of champagne.

“Why don’t we all go into the kitchen? The other girls headed there to set up food and I can get these bottles of bubbly into the fridge,” I said as I lead the way.

“So when do we start getting into character?” Bob asked. “Ow!”

The last was caused by Clarisse’s elbow into his side. “Not until 9:45,” she said “and then we will go to 11:45 so we can get ready for the big New Year’s toast. I’m sorry everybody, he never reads instructions.”

Bill slapped him on the back and stage whispered, “I didn’t either. Nancy explained the rules as we walked over.”

Everybody laughed.

At 9:30, I grabbed a glass of champagne and announced üsküdar escort a toast:

“The dew may kiss the morning grass.

The clock may kiss the hours past.

A Knight may kiss maiden lass.

And you my friends”

I inserted a dramatic pause

“drink hardy!”

Several people got champagne up their noses trying to drink and laugh at the same time.

“That was perfect,” Clarisse said. “That pause and not rhyming with ‘lass’ got me good.”

With that she walked over to me grabbed my head and gave me a big kiss on the lips. An “ooooh” erupted from the crowd and when she got done, Clarisse said, “Grow up” and everybody laughed.

When it quieted down, I clinked my glass to gain the floor and announced, “I noticed that some of you brought bags. I assume that they contain props or costumes. Now would be the time to change or to use those props as the play begins in 5 minutes in the living room.”

“Because we have a limited number of players this evening, I will be playing 3 roles tonight. When you see me in this tuxedo, I am William Slickwhistle your host for this evening. If you see me in my other tuxedo jacket, I will be playing the part of The Butler.

“Unfortunately, the script does not call for the butler to have a name, but he will be serving canapes and wine, liquor or champagne later.

“And lastly when I am wearing this thin mustache, I will be the ghost of Circule Pointcairn the greatest dead detective still working this world. I will answer any question that I am able to deduce from the clues. So, chop chop everyone. It is almost party time.”

With that, several people headed off to bedrooms to change and or get in character, leaving me and Clarisse in the kitchen alone.

“Naughty boy,” Clarisse whispered as she came up close to me and put a hand on my crotch. “I felt this bad boy dancing in your pants when I kissed you. Did I excite you?”

“A little bit,” I replied blushing “That kiss would have given a corpse an erection.”

“Oh good,” she replied with a wicked grin walking for the living room, “Since this is a murder mystery, I may get my chance.”

I shook my head to clear it and try to get into my character and followed her into the living room.

Everyone was there, except Heather, I mean LaBella. Time to get started.

In my best investment banker voice, I began, “Welcome my friends and I do consider all of you my friends and not just my best clients.

“LaBella and I wanted to do something very special for all of you especially as we have a very important announcement later this evening. So for now, eat drink and enjoy yourselves. You are our guests until morning.

“Because of the chance that some or all might overindulge in drink this evening, I have taken the liberty of activating the hurricane shutters and all of the doors and windows are now barred. They are locked and only the code that LaBella and I know will unlock them before morning.”

With that announcement, Bill walked over to the window and said, “I don’t see any hurricane shutters over the windows.”

Nancy just glared at him and finally said, “Bill, this is a play. The hurricane shutters are just an imaginary device to ensure that we are locked in and can’t get out.”

“Oh,” said Bill. “Oh, I get it. We aren’t really locked in; we are just imagining we are locked in. Sorry everybody. I’m not very good at playacting.”

“Not a problem Larry,” I said using his play name. “As I was saying eat, drink and enjoy yourselves. LaBella and I will be around.”

I ducked around the corner, switched tuxedo jackets and returned in my role of the butler with a tray of cheese and cracker snacks and a bottle of champagne.

Bob had actually gotten a clerical collar and looked every bit the Reverend.

I stepped up to him and asked, “Champagne Reverend Jackson?” and whispered, “Nice collar. Where did you get it?”

“Why thank you, I think I will,” he said holding out his glass. He whispered back, “Theatrical supply house downtown.”

Just then a scream rang out and we all ran to see what happened. Linda (Sara) was backing out of the guest bedroom screaming, “She’s dead!” over and over again when Jim (Steve) grabbed his wife and began to comfort her.

We all crowded in and there was LaBella (Heather) lying naked, except for her panties, on one of the beds with her head under a pillow.

I quickly put the mustache on and said, “Excusez-moi. I must see zee victeem.”

I rushed over to her side, lifted the pillow and winked at Heather. Now I understood why she couldn’t be the maid and I had to be the butler too.

“I see zat zeees woman has been smothered by zees pillow and it was not an accident. One of you peoples is a murderer.”

Sally (Nancy) came over and asked, “Heather is alright isn’t she?”

And before I could say anything LaBella replied, “I’m fine other than being dead. And my name is LaBella. Or was.”

Then continued whispering , “Psst. tuzla escort Detective, check out my neck.”

I looked closer and there was a slight reddish and purplish coloring around the base of her neck. WTF?

Then it hit me.

I cried out, “This woman was strangled and made to look as though she was smothered. This is a murder most foul!”

The light came on and everybody understood. Here was the murder that formed the core of the murder mystery. Suddenly everybody started asking each other where were they before the meeting in the living room and so I stepped in as Circule Pointcairn.

“Very well. Everyone, except the corpse, to the living room,” and everyone filed out.

The guys were the last to go, all of them trying to get an eyeful of my nearly naked wife as if afraid that we would cover her or something.

When everyone was in the living room, I went around the room to establish alibis.

The Reverend was in the other bedroom fixing his collar.

Jim and Linda were in the bathroom making out. He blushed but she didn’t.

I filed that away for later.

Larry went straight to the living room and was there when the rest of us filed in.

Nancy had gone to the power room to “powder her nose”.

When I looked later, there was makeup dust in the sink under the mirror.

When I confronted Claire (Clarisse) she prevaricated and then finally said, “I was in the kitchen with our host kissing him and checking out the goods.”

Everyone turned to me, so I ripped off the mustache and confirmed her story, and then put the mustache back on.

“So,” I said with my mustache on, “We have established alibis for everyone. I must go and ponder this. Talk among yourselves and perhaps the murderer or murderess will confess. I go now. I will return.”

With that I pulled off the mustache (more gently this time) and put on the butler jacket and continued to serve drinks and snacks.

The party continued with some of the guys going back into the guest bedroom to “look for clues”. While I was getting another tray ready, I saw something out by the pool. When I got out by the pool, somebody came out of the shadows, pulled out a pistol and “shot” me. It was really just a track starting pistol but it was real loud. I fell into the pool and floated for a while, waiting for my corpse to be found. After a minute, the cold water started to get to me and I was starting to freeze while waiting for help. I could see several people by the patio door, but nobody was coming out.

Finally, I yelled out, “Doesn’t anybody want to come see the new corpse?”

Larry yelled back, “How did you get out there if the house is shut down?”

I yelled back, “Use your imagination. It is an indoor pool.”

With that several people came running out and dragged me to the steps with the pool brush and I was unceremoniously fished out. Jim said, “I found a gun.”

I whipped out the mustache and stood up. I looked at everybody, laid my tuxedo jacket on the ground and said “Imagine the corpse of William Slickwhistle is right there for the rest of the night” and went to see Jim.

“I can smell the gunpowder from here,” Pointcairn said. “Did you touch it?”

Jim just handed it to me.

“Well,” Pointcairn said, “Now it has your fingerprints on it as well as mine and the murderer’s. It is useless as evidence.”

Jim looked at me for a second and said, “Oh shit! I didn’t think of that and I watch all the crime shows on TV. I’m sorry.”

“It is of no matter,” Pointcairn said pointing to the rag on the ground. “The murder probably wiped the gun clean before leaving it here. It would have been of no use. But now we have 2 corpses and no one left who knows the combination to unlock the house.”

“Holy crap,” said the Reverend getting into the scenario ,”I never thought of that. Now we are truly locked in until morning. But he never told us the big news and I was hoping for a big holiday dividend.”

“Me too,” said Jim.

“And us too,” said Sally “Now we will never know what the news was.”

“Yes, we will,” Pointcairn explained. “I found this document in the office when I was searching for clues,” as I pulled out a soggy document. “It states that Slickwhistle Enterprises is insolvent but with the last of the money, $1 million life insurance policies were purchased against each of you, excluding the butler.”

“But life insurance policies are void in the case of murder,” Larry said.

“That is, unless the policy specifically excludes murder, which these policies do. The survivors of tonight’s party will split the proceeds evenly. So at this point, all of you stand to get a portion of $2 million dollars. I don’t know if that will cover your losses from Slickwhistle Enterprises, but it is a start,” said Pointcairn.

“Very well,” Pointcairn said. “It is time for me to go, until I am needed again.”

And I headed for the house pulling wet clothes off as I went.

“Please continue the party,” I said as myself. “I am going to take a hot shower to warm up. I screwed up. I should have fallen into the hot tub.”

The last statement elicited a few snickers from the crowd.

“The butler will return shortly,” I said over my shoulder as I headed into the kitchen.

Chapter 3 — Shrinkage?

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